CFIDS August topic- my response

I think I did have a major problem with this when I was younger always wanting to be the best, to do everything well and perfectly.

I believe it was mostly from coming from such a huge family I was always looking for ways to stand out to get noticed and this carried on into my work life and own family life wanting to be praised- usually more than once for my efforts.

Now the difficulty is doing much at all that can get noticed, I have had counselling and am aware of my need that I honestly think no-one can in reality fill except me.

So I am no longer working so that stressor has now gone and I set my own targets and am happy if I can fulfill them in any way and do not stress if I don't. That is I set targets that I can acheive and then I am happy.

My husband is aware of my need for praise and if he ever sends me a text saying well done like he did when I bought and furnished our house in Turkey- I keep it so that I get look at it more than once and get my praise fix that way.

love and hugs

Linda

Becoming More Decisive

I think I have become much more decisive since having fibromyalgia.
I used to worry a lot about making the right decision and would be awake at night worrying about anything and everything but it has taken a while to get to this place where I try not to worry about things I can nothing about.

If something is fairly unimportant I make the decision and move on- like what to eat in a restaurant or to have for dinner- its a waste of energy for me and you. although I draw the line at swapping my meal with my husband if I didn't like it like my mother -in-law did long ago when presented with a whole fish. She just simply gave it to her husband and enjoyed his lamb chops.

When I was in Turkey buying furniture I realised I was much less fussy about things than my sister if it looked fine was comfortable and did the job I said yes. Although it was good to have her with me for dealing with snags with workmen wheras I would have just let them go to preserve my energy, she was quite happy to go and deal with little problems so I guess sometimes I am delegating decisions to others if they are unimportant to me.

At the same time I do like to be included in decision making that effects me for instance it was nice to have my bathroom painted but I really don't like green and it would have been nice to have been asked what colour I would like. Again this is not major and I can live with it.

I think using target setting has contributed to my becoming more decisive because I set a target break it down into small steps and then achieve it- which is how we now have our lovely house in Turkey. I do say to my husband be careful what you wish for !!! If I set it as a target it will happen.

Its much less tring to be decisive and so far nothing really bad has happened because of it apart from buying a wardrobe that is a bit too big for Turkey- small thing.

Happiness Project -What Are You Going to Do Today

What Are You Going To Do Today Ask yourself the folowing questions
Is it fun, will it make you happy?
Will it make you feel better?
(Will it make you feel worse)?
Is it necessary?
Do you really want to?
Can you get someone else to do it?
Will it be hard for you but will you feel better after?
Will you feel like you have achieved something?
Does it matter if you don't "achieve" anything- in this life- on this day
is it enough to BE
yo love to be kind to anyone you meet
to care for and about others
to allow others to care for you
to laugh and be happy
to have fun every day

Happiness Project- Making Slough Happy

I have been a subscriber to Gretchen Rubin's Happiness project for some time now so have been thinking of ways of making myself happier.

I decided some time ago if I can't be healthy I am going to be happy so I have been working on my own happiness project and looking for information about being happy or becoming happier.

There was a programme on in England about a year ago called Making Slough Happy and te following is their list of 10 steps to Happpiness

1. Plant something and nurture it.
2. Count your blessings-at least five at the end of the day.
3. Take time to talk-have an hour long talk with a loved one each week.
4. Phone a friend who you have not spoken to for a while and arrange to meet.
5. Give yourself a treat every day and take time to really enjoy it.
6. Have a good laugh at least once a day.
7. Get physical-exercise for half an hour three times a week.
8. Smile at and/or say hello to a stranger at least once a day.
9. Cut your TV viewing by half.
10. Spread some kindness- do a good turn for someone every day.

I'd forgotten that I had this list so I am thinking I might try and do some of these things from memory I think the people living in Slough had to do one of them each week and then carry on doing each one while adding the next.

Will let you know how I get on with it Do you have any things that you try to make you happy each day?

gentle hugs

Going to Parties and Other Ocassions

Yesterday was my Mum's 95th birthday so a party has been planned for ages for it. I went yesterday and had a really good time but just think its useful to think about how to plan foir these life events that come up and enjoy them.

I haven't been too good for a few days and have been wondering if worrying about going has contributed to this?

So I think the best idea is to look on it as a problem solving exercise you know you want to go so how best to go, get the best out of it and minimise any possible flare-up afterwards.

So plan the event:

How long will you stay? Try to decide this before hand so you know and can pace yourself, if you have a partner they can remind you when it is time to go.

Can you go earlier and rest somewhere beforehand? if not can someone else drive and you lie down in the back of the car to maximise rest.

What will you wear- I start with heels and take flats and try to go with comfort and style not always easy. Although I got the most compliments one party where I was feeling very poorly and threw on a tried and trusted outfit so maybe I have mastered effortless style.
In the day or days before you go depending on your energy levels make sure you gets lots of rest look after yourself maybe do a bit of pampering while you are relaxing so you have your nails done etc before the event.

At our family parties people usually chip in with cooking or preparing but I usually just send a donation for two reasons- its much easier if I don't have the added stress of a job to do on the day and if I can't go then no-one is waitng for the all inportant puds or sonething.

What do you want to get out of it? I just mean how best to enjoy it without wearing yourself out.
We are known as the dancing aunties at our family parties although it has just dawned on me we have now become the dancing grannies. But dancing although I love it has become much harder for me to do so I have mastered the art of dancing without moving my feet and if you can find a handy wall to lean on at the same time all the better.

Let go of other peoples expectations of you? If you always did all the cooking or were the entertainer them maybe you can't do that any more so you will need to delegate and let go of your past role in life.

I used to be the first one to dance and was asked to get up to dance last night but thats not really me any more although I did do it becuase its not so easy for me to do and I miss it badly but of course while I was dancing I was missing out on all the gossip so theres my compensation for that.

Whatever you are going to or planning to go to-- ENJOY

Deciding To Be Happy

I made a decision not too long ago really that if I can't be healthy I am going to be happy.
The first time I ever went to counselling for Cognitive Behaviour Therapy I was told that I did not do enough things during the day for fun.
. It was all work or family responsibliites so the first thing I had to do was think about ways of having fun. Every day now I think about what I am going to do for fun or happiness that day.
Of course that really depends on how I feel on any given day and plans are sometimes changed at the last minute but I like to have things to look forward to so I plan lunch with a friend, an early drink with my husband a holiday or outing.
If it happens that the day is one spent in bed then I watch a happy DVD have a facial, paint my nails anything to keep my mood up or using the trusty notebook plan future outings or speak to a friend or sister on the phone
. Its not easy to keep yourself "up" but the alternative is inconceivable my talk to myself is uplifting I hope yours is too so tell me:

What are going to do today for fun?

101 things in 1001 days

Hi everyone I an just going to start doing this challenge and wondered if anyone fancied joining me. Its sounds interesting and also fun. Your list will of course be completely different to mine but I had fun making it and hope to have great fun doing- most- of them. David is looking forward to the pub crawl in Surrey but doesn't think I will get him to do the dancing class. sorry about the rubbish spreadsheet but maybe "someone" (Hi Telbel) might be able to make it better for me. I used these websites for info to start me off for ideas of things to do but really you can put anything you like.

http://www.dayzeroproject.com/

http://www.foldedspace.org/weblog/2007/04/101_thing_in_1001_days.html

http://www.dienu.com/

I am starting on first March and will therfore finish on 27th November 2011 I don't expext to get them all done but if you want to join my 101 CLUB it will be interesting to see what other people decide to do and how they get on. Happy 101 ing

Its a bit like an enormous target list. I really find its important to have things to look forward to especially on those days when you are not able to do very much-like yesterday. I like to do a bit of planning and have a few note books on the go with various projects that I am working towards. I start with a list then Break it down into achievable bite size bits.

For instance-I am trying to recover my sofa so first thing was: 1. fix broken cushion, 2.buy velcro for closure, 3.ask Ellen (daughter) to help make pattern and then hopefully she will help to 4.cover them. Have completed 1 and 2. Will do similar thing for my 101 things. I am starting on 1st march 2009 and will finish on 27th November 2011.